i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
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