I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
Randomize
