Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
Randomize