I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
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