Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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