The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
If I die, sorry about rent.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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