i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
My vagina just recognized that song.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
Randomize
