I can tuck mytits in my pants
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
Randomize
