I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
Randomize
