So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
My feet surprised me
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
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