I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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