He told me they were just razor bumps!
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
Randomize
