Bisexual people are plain selfish.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
He? As in you personified your dick?
Randomize
