I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
