Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
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