I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
