I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize
