I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
Duck Duck Cougar?
I just threw up on my dentist
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
Randomize
