Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
