today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Randomize
