I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
Randomize
