Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Randomize
