You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
i guess it's bad bediquette to quote the kool aid man
?
he said oh yeah and i responded with OHH YEAHHHHH!
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize
