This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
Randomize
