I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
Randomize
