you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
Randomize
