A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize
