Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
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