I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
