you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Randomize
