How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
Less talking, more tequila
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
Randomize
