remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
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