pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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