You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
I smell like Dick and happiness
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Randomize
