i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
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