Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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