I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
Randomize
