ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
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