and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
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