I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
