So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
True strength comes from lack of pants
Dick very happy bro
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Randomize
