They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
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