My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
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