Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
