I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
