Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
What a dumb baby whore.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
Randomize
