i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
Randomize
