I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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