wanna go halves on a baby?
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
Randomize
