apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
