I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
