I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
you mean i was at the winter classic?
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
