oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
Randomize
