Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
