the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
