nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
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Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
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