i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
Randomize
