I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
