you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
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