Do you think red sox nation has an official powerpoint template/memo format for resignations of manny support, bandwagon applications, and other official business?
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
Randomize
