Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
Randomize
