I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
and you fell through a lawn chair
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
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