wanna go halves on a baby?
U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
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