This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
Randomize
