How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
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