Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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