My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
dude i'm inner monologue high
oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
Randomize
