I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
Randomize
