Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
I use my feet as sexual weapons
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
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