Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
Randomize
