he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Randomize
