Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
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