I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Randomize
