Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
But i did once see a show where a women was homeless and installed a stove in a school bus so she and her baby could live there since all the seats were taken out. As far as being homeless goes it didn't look half bad...So this is me promising to you that if i ever am living in an abandoned school bus...i will at least pimp it out with a stove so you can come over for dinner sometimes
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
There are leaves in my underwear?
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