For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
I am full of burrito and curiosity
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
Can't talk, ducks in the car
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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