i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
Randomize
