Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
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