What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
My bed is full of blood and feathers
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
Randomize
