He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
Randomize