dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
Randomize
